It’s Not A Metaphor: The Blob (Chuck Russell, 1988)
Oh, that this too too solid flesh would melt, thAGGGGHHHHHHHH
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In the great canon of ‘80s Goo Movies, three stand above all others: John Carpenter’s The Thing, David Cronenberg’s The Fly, and The Blob, which is always just The Blob, because nobody prefaces things with the name of Witchboard (2024) director Chuck Russell. All three are remakes of 1950s monster movies, which have become more famous than the originals due to their use of 1980s practical effects, and of them, The Blob (Chuck Russell’s The Blob) is the most difficult to write about.
Why is this, you ask? Because when you cover horror movies, the standard move is to insist that the movie is secretly about something, and The Blob isn’t. It’s exactly the movie it promises to be on its poster. The Thing is about toxic masculinity, and possibly Vietnam. The Fly is about the AIDS crisis. The Blob is about what would happen if there were a hideous goo and it dissolved your boyfriend.
It’s a much more direct movie! There’s not a lot of deep, hidden inner meaning or subtext to unpack; there is simply a goo, and a variety of boyfriends to be dissolved. One of the great pleasures of The Blob is in how it goes through the motions of setting up “characters,” with “arcs,” only to toss them into the goo the moment the plot slows down a little.
- The wide-eyed high-school quarterback who’s finally gathered up the courage to ask his dream girl out on a date? He’s a goo now.
- The small-town sheriff who’s finally gathered up the courage to ask his dream girl out on a date (the writers kind of ran out of ideas on this one)? He, too, is now a goo.
- The rapist who grabs a girl’s boob while she’s unconscious? The boob grabs him right back, and makes a goo of him.
- The adorable kids who just want to see a horror movie (just like you, the viewer of this horror movie)? Fuck them kids! The goo does not card before it devours you! People of all ages can, and will, be goo!