The Annual DILF Gift Guide, Featuring DILF

The fifth and penultimate issue of Be Not Afraid, my infanticidal theology horror comic with Lisandro Estherren, will be out January 28th. Check out a preview here – and stay tuned for more big comics announcements in this space.

As for any other projects I might have out... well.

Here we are, at long last, in December. The lights have been strung, the snow is gently falling, a fire crackles in the fireplace, and now, as the world slows down, it’s time to ponder the questions that really matter: How I will I feed and house my child, while also buying enough merchandise to make her like me? Am I the kind of parent who can inspire fondness with a mere stuffed animal, or do I need to invest in a gaming system to make sure she visits me in the nursing home?

I have to wrestle with these questions, Reader — but you don’t. Out of sincere interest in your well-being, and that of your loved ones, I have decided to assemble this newsletter’s first-ever Holiday Gift Guide. Here, you’ll find something for everyone on your list. 

For Mom: DILF: Did I Leave Feminism, by Jude Ellison S. Doyle

Fun fact: Did you know that over half of the adults in America did not read even one single book this year? It's true! I discovered this while looking for a different statistic — something about the percentage of readers who are women; we appreciate you, ladies — but nonetheless. In 2022, only 56.6% of women, and 40% of men, read a book. One book. In a year. 

Now, ask yourself: Is that the kind of life you want for your mother?

Save your mother from the rising tide of maternal illiteracy by getting her the one, single book she can treasure forever: DILF. It features everything you’ve come to know and love about books — two covers; a spine; pages; words, arranged in an order and conveying meaning — and also contains multiple instances of  the word “feminism,” with thoughts on what women should do about it. 

If there’s one thing women love, it’s a man telling them about feminism. With DILF, I can finally be that man for your Mom. 

For Dad: DILF: Did I Leave Feminism, by Jude Ellison S. Doyle

Fun fact: Did you know that, even though no-one reads any more, and men read less than anybody, they’re also the only ones who buy non-fiction? It’s true: In 2022, of the 40% of men who read one single book, only 29.5% of those men chose to read fiction, meaning that of the (generously) ten men left in America willing to pick up a book and open it, seven and a half are non-fiction readers. 

Six of those men will read Blink, by Malcolm Gladwell. The “half man” is a term coined by Chuck Lorre, and is considered offensive; the correct phrase is “boy" or “Young Sheldon.” But that all-important seventh man — your father — can break the mold. He can read DILF. 

DILF provides the all the non-fictional facts and data that Dads love. It also has the words “trans” and “feminism” on the cover — whoa, Dad, way to get with the times! — so Dad will know he’s already done everything necessary to be an ally, and that any further complaints are due to everyone being so goddamn sensitive these days. Act now, and you’ll even get to teach him a fun new acronym! 

Yes, if there’s one sales demographic that truly needs DILF, it’s your Dad. To continue: