Monsters!!

Hey there! Happy Halloween. I hope you're celebrating by reading DILF: Did I Leave Feminism, available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and via your local bookshop at Bookshop.org.

Regardless, I have not forgotten what the holiday is for. Thus, I have arranged for some monstrous Halloween content, to chill your bones and haunt your dreams.

Be forewarned: This gets violent.

Every night, I read my child two chapters of a book, and she draws me monsters. These are their stories.

TIM

Tim makes girls fall in love with him then eats them. He has the mind of a mastermind.

Tim has a fake body and big muscular arms and legs. Tim has the head of a man, body of a snake and appetite of a gorilla.

BOB

Bob has an entire galaxy and he can eat elephants to snails and won't get close to full. Don't get close.

Bob has a weird wig. Bob has a big black cloak. Bob has fake feet.

JENIEFER

Jeniefer was regular before some bad person turned her into a monster. Jeniefer is a witch vampire – the queen, actually.

She used illusion magic to look like the blood was a polkadot pattern, her claws were fake nails, and her fangs were regular teeth.

ANNABELLE

Annabelle can not eat humans but can eat insects. But don't keep her. She will eat cats and chihuahuas.

Her metal heart and pipes work like our heart and organs. Lasers are bouncing around and a circular saw blade. Annabelle can open her mouth about a foot tall.

MILES

Miles has a love for acid and to melt people with it. First he lures his prey into a salon and melts them.

DYLAN

Everything that Dylan does a little soul does. Dylan got the soul because he strangled a person and got the soul.

Dylan is 1,854 years old, 8,000 pounds, 1 mile long, and is 10,000 percent horrible. Dylan is a giant who lives with the body of who he strangles and lifeline of who he strangles.

Dylan wears bell bottoms.

Monsters can be found everywhere, as can the effortlessly weird creativity of children. I love them both. Happy Halloween.